Family Values

I’ve never been fond of the term “family values.” The values themselves are fine, but I think they are disproportionably focused upon by politicians and interest groups. I find that many people who preach about family values are cold and uncaring to the poor and excluded people of our society. It is often those who endorse “family values” that treat sexual minorities with hostility, for example.

I was brought up in a home that valued family, although they didn’t spend much time preaching about it. My parents loved me and loved each other, and they made efforts to spend time together as a family and instill values in their children that they thought were important. They taught us about honesty and wholesomeness. When we were small children, they ensured that we watched non-violent television and movies, especially those with moral lessons that they agreed with. My parents made lifestyle choices based on what was good for children growing up. We ate three balanced meals a day, and we always had supper together around the same table. My parents were not drinkers. And they spent weekends and vacations doing things that we could all appreciate as a family, such as board games, car trips, and museums, rather than parties.

My parents upheld most of what the “family values” people hold dear, with one major difference. They didn’t see that as being enough. My parents also instilled community values in us. They taught us to help others, to be welcoming and respectful to the elderly and the ill, and all people of different beliefs and lifestyles. They encouraged us to consider other points of view, and to compromise and cooperate with others.

The reason that I dislike the “family values” buzzword is that it is too insular in nature. It promotes an “us versus them” mindset. Individuals protect their spouses and children from the surrounding influence that they consider negative. Although it might include members of their church, the focus is largely on themselves and what is theirs, but they’ve set up walls against the rest of society.

Part of family values is caring about what is best for loved ones. I think that’s important, but I don’t just want to love my parents and my close friends. I want to care about what’s best for the crack whore who works the nearby street, and the gay couple on my block with the yappy dog. I want to do what I can for the single mothers in my city, and the angry teens who keep appearing before my provincial courts.

I don’t know what it would look like to do what I can for everyone. Sure, I could get involved with soup kitchens and youth groups, but I think it would start with my attitude. I need to value the life and well-being of everyone I come in contact with, regardless of their creed or situation. When I have opportunities for dialogue, I want to listen to their views and stories, rather than attack their choices, or tell them what I think should be true for them.

So many people want governments and society in general to protect and promote what is good for their family. I can understand that, but family values will be better preserved if they are expanded to include community values. If everyone was to treat the poor and excluded of our society with compassion and acceptance, they might find that there is less to protect their family from.